Big Words Series- Stress

Person with red hair rests their head on crossed arms at a wooden table in a room with green plants outside the window and a red glass nearby.

Stress is a universal experience, yet for many, it feels impossible to escape. Emily Nagoski, along with her sister Amelia Nagoski, offers a groundbreaking perspective on managing stress in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Their work provides practical, research-based strategies to help you not just survive stress but actively thrive in your daily life.

Let’s explore how understanding and completing the “stress cycle” can transform how you approach stress—and your overall well-being.


What Is the Stress Cycle?

Stress isn’t just a mental state; it’s a physiological process. When you experience stress, your body activates the fight-or-flight response, flooding your system with hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Historically, this response helped humans survive immediate threats.

Today, most stressors—work deadlines, relationship tension, financial worries—don’t come with a clear resolution. This leaves your body stuck in a heightened state, unable to complete the stress cycle. Over time, unresolved stress can lead to burnout.

The Nagoskis emphasize that to truly manage stress, you need to address both the cause of the stress and the biological stress response.


Completing the Stress Cycle: Practical Strategies

Here are six evidence-based ways to complete the stress cycle, inspired by Nagoski’s work:

1. Move Your Body

Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to signal to your body that the threat has passed. You don’t need to run a marathon—any movement that feels good to you can help.

  • Go for a brisk walk.
  • Dance around your living room.
  • Stretch or do yoga.

Moving your body helps release pent-up energy and resets your nervous system.


2. Connect with Others

Humans are wired for connection. Social support can be a powerful tool for reducing stress. Even small interactions—like chatting with a friend or hugging a loved one—can have profound effects on your stress levels.

The Nagoskis highlight the power of affectionate touch, such as a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss. These actions release oxytocin, a hormone that fosters feelings of safety and connection.


3. Laugh

Laughter isn’t just enjoyable—it’s a biological release for stress. Genuine belly laughter lowers cortisol levels and boosts endorphins.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try:

  • Watching a funny video or show.
  • Spending time with someone who makes you laugh.
  • Recalling a hilarious memory.

4. Cry

Crying is a natural way to process emotions and complete the stress cycle. While society often stigmatizes tears, they’re a healthy and cathartic release.

Give yourself permission to cry when needed—it’s your body’s way of signaling that it’s ready to let go of the stress.


5. Practice Deep Breathing

When you’re stressed, your breath often becomes shallow and rapid. Deep, slow breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps your body relax.

Try this simple exercise:

  • Inhale deeply for four counts.
  • Hold your breath for four counts.
  • Exhale slowly for eight counts.

Repeat this cycle a few times to feel a noticeable shift in your body’s stress response.


6. Engage in Creative Expression

Creative activities—writing, painting, playing music—offer an outlet for processing emotions. You don’t have to be an artist; the act of creating is what matters.

For example, journaling about your feelings can help you make sense of your stress, while drawing or crafting can provide a physical release.


The Role of Rest in Stress Management

In Burnout, the Nagoskis emphasize that rest is not optional. Rest doesn’t just mean sleep (though that’s essential). It includes any activity that replenishes your energy, such as:

  • Taking breaks during the day.
  • Spending time in nature.
  • Practicing mindfulness or meditation.

Rest allows your body to recover and strengthens your resilience to future stressors.


Navigating Stress in Relationships

Stress doesn’t just affect you—it influences how you show up in your relationships. When both partners are experiencing high levels of stress, it’s easy to misinterpret each other’s actions or withdraw emotionally.

Using the principles from Burnout, you can:

  • Co-regulate: Work together to complete the stress cycle. This could mean taking a walk together, sharing a hug, or simply being present for each other.
  • Practice empathy: Recognize that your partner’s stress response may look different from yours, and offer support without judgment.
  • Prioritize connection: Make time for meaningful conversations and moments of intimacy, even when life feels overwhelming.

Breaking Free from Burnout

Stress is inevitable, but burnout doesn’t have to be. By understanding the stress cycle and taking intentional steps to complete it, you can reclaim your energy, focus, and joy.

The Nagoskis remind us that self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Completing the stress cycle not only benefits you but also strengthens your relationships and overall well-being.

If you’re feeling stuck in stress or burnout, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore your stressors, build resilience, and find personalized strategies for healing. Visit my Let’s Connect page to learn more about how we can work together.