As social beings, we all rely on relationships to fulfill our basic emotional needs. From early childhood, we begin learning how to get these needs met, but some methods work better than others. Here are a few practical steps to help you meet more of your needs in the relationships that matter most.

Step 1: Recognize When You Have an Unmet Need

The first step is recognizing when a need isn’t met. In close relationships, our emotions often point to what’s missing. Emotions carry valuable information. For instance, I tell my clients that anger often reveals an unmet need or a crossed boundary. Emotions inform us; they don’t dictate our actions. Anger, for example, doesn’t mean we need to yell or punish. Instead, it signals the importance of communicating our needs clearly to ensure our emotional needs are eventually met.

Step 2: Identify the Specific Need

Once you recognize that a need isn’t met, it’s essential to identify what that need is. Distinguishing between needs, wants, and simple desires makes a big difference. Here are a few examples of universal needs we work with in therapy: safety, security, affection, touch, nurturing, choice, freedom, autonomy, growth, trust, self-expression, peace, spontaneity, acceptance, respect, purpose, and meaning. Understanding what you truly need allows you to approach relationships with more clarity and self-assurance. Only then can we work on having those identified emotional needs met.

Step 3: Communicate the Need Effectively

After identifying your unmet need, we then explore how to frame a clear, respectful request. In therapy, we practice ways to express our needs to loved ones without turning those needs into criticisms. Owning your needs and framing them as a request rather than a complaint can foster connection and understanding. This strategy is crucial if you aim to have your emotional needs met in a healthy manner.

Ready to Deepen Your Relationships?

If you want to understand your relationships better and have more of your needs met, I’d be honored to support you in therapy. Relationships can be complex, but with the right tools, they can also bring incredible fulfillment, including making sure your emotional needs are met effectively.