Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, but in non-monogamous partnerships, it takes on a uniquely important role. Agreements about boundaries, communication, and expectations create a sense of safety that allows partners to thrive. When those agreements are broken, the impact can feel devastating—but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship. With time, effort, and compassion, trust can be rebuilt.

As Esther Perel reminds us, repairing trust requires both partners to “engage in a dual process of introspection and negotiation.” If you and your partner are working to recover from a breach, these strategies can help you move forward together.

1. Take Responsibility for the Breach

Rebuilding trust begins with accountability. If you’ve broken an agreement, fully owning your actions is crucial. Avoid minimizing or justifying what happened. Instead:

• Acknowledge the specific behaviors that caused harm.
• Express genuine remorse for the impact of your actions.
• Clearly communicate your commitment to restoring trust.

For the partner who’s been hurt, it’s okay to set boundaries about when and how you engage in the rebuilding process. Healing doesn’t need to be rushed, but open dialogue remains essential.

2. Have Open and Honest Conversations

Repairing trust is an active process that thrives on open communication. Create space to discuss what happened, its impact, and what you both need moving forward. When engaging in these conversations:

• Validate each other’s emotions without defensiveness.
• Clarify misunderstandings and discuss any unmet needs.
• Identify steps to prevent similar breaches in the future.

Ask reflective questions such as, “What contributed to this situation?” and “How can we create a sense of safety together?” These discussions provide clarity and connection.

3. Revisit and Revise Agreements

Non-monogamous relationships often involve clear agreements. When one is broken, revisiting these agreements is crucial. Together, explore whether your existing boundaries are serving you both. Consider:

• Are there agreements that need to be updated to reflect our current needs?
• How can we stay accountable moving forward?
• What actions reinforce mutual respect and trust?

As Perel emphasizes, trust isn’t restored simply by renewing agreements. Instead, it’s rebuilt through demonstrating integrity over time.

4. Prioritize Repair Over Perfection

No relationship is without its challenges, and rebuilding trust is less about perfection and more about consistent effort. Actions speak louder than words. Demonstrating trustworthiness through small, meaningful actions can make a big difference. For example:

• Commit to regular check-ins where you both share openly.
• Follow through on your promises, even when they seem small.
• Ask for feedback about what’s working and adjust where necessary.

Remember, the goal is not to avoid mistakes altogether but to foster an environment where repair becomes second nature.

5. Seek Professional Support

Healing after a breach can feel overwhelming. A therapist who understands non-monogamous relationships can offer valuable guidance. Working with a professional allows you to:

• Explore the root causes of the breach.
• Learn effective tools for rebuilding trust.
• Navigate the complexities of non-monogamy with compassion and clarity.

Having an impartial mediator can transform how you approach the repair process, ensuring both partners feel heard and supported.

6. Practice Patience and Compassion

Rebuilding trust takes time, and rushing the process can hinder true healing. For the partner who experienced the breach, trust may not return immediately. Meanwhile, the partner working to repair the damage needs patience as they demonstrate their commitment to change. Throughout this process:

• Extend compassion to yourself and each other.
• Focus on small wins that show progress.
• Lean into the hope that trust, though fragile, can be rebuilt.

As Perel so beautifully notes, trust is like a “mosaic,” restored one piece at a time through mutual effort and understanding.

Let’s Rebuild Together

If you’re navigating the aftermath of a breach in your non-monogamous relationship, help is available. At Courageous Couples Counseling, I specialize in supporting couples in non-traditional relationships. Together, we can uncover the dynamics that led to the breach, rebuild trust, and strengthen your partnership.

Schedule a free consultation today, and let’s work toward the connection and trust you both deserve.