Falling in love is an extraordinary experience. The butterflies in your stomach, the constant thoughts about your partner, and the sheer excitement of being together—all of it feels electrifying and all-encompassing. If you’ve ever wondered why this happens, it’s because falling in love isn’t just an emotional process; it’s deeply neurobiological. This surge of intense passion is what many call New Relationship Energy (NRE) or The Honeymoon Phase.
While NRE can feel like the pinnacle of connection, it naturally changes over time. And that’s normal! For many couples, however, this shift can lead to concerns about whether the relationship is losing its spark. In this article, I’ll outline the science behind NRE, its impacts on your attachment bond, and what to do when those fireworks begin to settle.
Falling in Love: The Neurobiology of New Relationship Energy
At its core, falling in love is a powerful cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters working together in your brain and body. During those early days with your partner, you’re experiencing a flood of neurochemicals that impact how you think, feel, and behave. Here’s a quick breakdown of what’s happening:
- Dopamine: Often referred to as the “feel-good” chemical, dopamine skyrockets when you’re falling in love. It’s responsible for those euphoric feelings, heightened energy, and focus on your partner. You might even compare it to feeling high—and science backs that up! Love activates the same reward pathways in the brain that are associated with addictive substances.
- Oxytocin: Known as the “hug hormone” or “love hormone,” oxytocin helps strengthen bonds between partners. Physical touch, cuddling, and sex all trigger oxytocin release, building trust and fostering attachment. It’s a significant player in creating the emotional glue that holds relationships together.
- Serotonin: While dopamine increases excitement, serotonin takes a slight dip during the NRE phase. This is why new relationships can feel so all-consuming—your brain isn’t as focused on other responsibilities. It explains why you might forget to eat, lose track of time, or think about your partner constantly.
- Endorphins: These natural painkillers provide pleasure and stress relief during intimacy. Endorphins create feelings of safety, warmth, and connection when you’re with your partner.
Collectively, these chemicals make the early stages of love exhilarating. Your brain essentially rewards you for bonding with your partner. This chemical surge also encourages attachment formation, which is a crucial foundation for long-term relationships.
The Impacts of New Relationship Energy on Attachment
From a psychobiological perspective, The Honeymoon Phase helps establish attachment by strengthening your emotional and physical connection. This phase gives partners an opportunity to build a foundation of trust, safety, and shared experiences. When attachment begins to take hold, couples feel more secure with one another.
However, as intense as NRE can feel, it isn’t meant to last forever. After all, sustaining those heightened neurochemical levels would be exhausting! Over time, the brain gradually returns to its baseline state, and those intense euphoric feelings begin to settle.
When this happens, some couples might:
- Worry that something is “wrong” with the relationship
- Feel disappointed by the shift in excitement
- Notice intimacy and passion require more intentional effort
Here’s the good news: this transition doesn’t mean the love is fading. It’s actually a sign that your relationship is evolving and deepening. While NRE builds connection, what comes after—secure attachment—forms the heart of a lasting partnership.
How to Navigate the Transition When NRE Fades
So, what can you do when those initial sparks begin to settle? First, it’s important to recognize that this is a normal process. Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like a perpetual dopamine rush. Instead, you can work to build a secure, intimate connection that stands the test of time. Here are a few tips to keep the love alive:
1. Acknowledge the Shift and Talk About It
Many couples struggle with this transition simply because they didn’t expect it. When you start feeling a shift in excitement, talk openly with your partner about what’s happening. Say things like, “I’ve noticed the energy between us feels different lately. How do you feel about that?” Normalizing the experience can help you both approach the shift with compassion instead of fear.
2. Prioritize Novelty and Adventure
One way to reignite some of the excitement is to introduce new experiences into your relationship. Whether it’s traveling to a new city, taking a class together, or simply trying a new restaurant, novelty sparks dopamine—the same chemical that drove those initial thrills.
Think back to when you were first dating. What were the activities that brought you joy? Could you recreate some of that excitement in your current season of the relationship?
3. Focus on Building Emotional Intimacy
During the honeymoon phase, emotional intimacy often feels effortless. As time goes on, it requires more intention. Take time to connect deeply with your partner by sharing meaningful conversations and expressing gratitude. Ask questions like:
- “What are some of your favorite memories with me so far?”
- “What are you most excited about in the future?”
These conversations can remind you of the bond you share and help you feel close even when the dopamine isn’t flowing as freely.
4. Create Rituals of Connection
Rituals are the small habits or traditions that help couples stay connected. Whether it’s a nightly check-in, a weekly date night, or a morning coffee together, these rituals build trust and reinforce your attachment bond. When the energy begins to fade, these small moments of connection matter even more.
5. Lean Into Physical Touch
Remember oxytocin—the love hormone? Physical touch, whether it’s cuddling, holding hands, or hugging, encourages oxytocin release and reinforces feelings of closeness and security. Don’t underestimate the power of nonsexual affection to keep the spark alive.
Love Is a Journey, Not Just a Feeling
The honeymoon phase is exciting, beautiful, and entirely normal, but it’s just one part of the journey. As it naturally fades, couples have the opportunity to create something deeper—a lasting bond built on trust, intimacy, and emotional connection.
If you find yourself missing those early butterflies, remind yourself that this new season of love has its own magic. You’re building a foundation for something truly enduring. By being intentional, communicating openly, and prioritizing connection, you can keep your relationship strong long after the sparks settle.
And if you feel stuck or unsure, you don’t have to navigate this alone. As an attachment-based couples therapist, I’m here to help couples move from fleeting passion to lasting connection. Because love, at its best, grows with you.